If you were part of the Y2K fever!!!!!!!!!



Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them:
"I have Good news and Bad News:
1. The good news is: God really does exist.
2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced:
"I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth.
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."

The programmers will love this!!!!!!!!!!

Gender & Computers


A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.


The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1.In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on
2.They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3.They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4.As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.


The men, on the other hand concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1.No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Now, you decide what to call a Computer...

KISSING THE MIRROR
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the "Toilet" and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Toad Princess

A computer programmer comes across a toad in the road.

The toad pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".

The programmer shrugs his sholders and puts the toad in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the toad says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a month..."

The programmer takes out the toad, nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minuets later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll marry you and will live with you for the rest of my life..." The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the toad says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you that I will be your wife, I can give you all the love you want, why don't you kiss me ?"

"Look, he replies, "I'm a computer programmer... I don't have any time for a girlfriend or wife... But a talking toad... Man ! That's cool..."

THIS TOO IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES!!!!!!
IM SURE YOU'LL LIKE THIS ONE--

Despair!!
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

The Roommate
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Floral Mix-ups
On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. On reading the enclosed card, though, he became dismayed that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy." While he was puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright," said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"'Congratulations on your new location.'"

IS ANYBODY HOME???
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful. " "Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her. "
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too." "That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father? ......... Father?" suddenly this guy realised that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

[SIZE="4"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]THIS JOKE IS KINDA LONG BUT U GOTTA READ THIS!!![/COLOR][/SIZE]


JACKASS!!!
This is kinda long, but read the whole thing- its quite funny.
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need totake it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.


[more to come--> the finale!!!]

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution :
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" ,and I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
Glorious!
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and the Channel 13 News Crew, was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

I HAD SEEN THIS ONE JUST BEFORE THE FIFA WORLD CUP 2006. EVEN THOUGH THATS LONG GONE IM SURE YOU WILL ENJOY THIS!

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than....................Punch a kid bigger than you

Strike while the .........................Bug is close

Never underestimate the power of..........Termites

You can lead a horse to water but........how?

Don`t bite the hand that................. looks dirty

No news is................................impossible

A miss is as good as a....................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new............maths

If you lie down with dogs, you ll.........stink in the morning

Love all, trust..........................me

The pen is mightier than the..............pigs

An idle mind is..........................The best way to relax

Where there's smoke there's...............pollution

Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents

A penny saved is..........................not much

Two`s company, three`s....................The Musketeers

Don`t put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose

None are so blind as......................Stevie Wonder

Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded

If at first you don t succeed.............get new batteries

You get out of something what you.........see pictured on the box

When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way!!!

This is pwrpoint presentation, it's nice. check it out-

[code:1]http://mihd.net/zyoiwp[/code:1]

[COLOR="Blue"]15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About [/COLOR]

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Take the time... to live and love.

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!



FRIENDS FOREVER!